What Is Friendship?
What I Was Taught About Friendship
When I was young, and to be honest our entire lives, my parents have led by example and shown us how to maintain amazing relationships. "Be a good human being", "it is better to be kind than to be right" and "be nice to him/her/them" were regular phrases I heard on repeat growing up.
Sometimes they have been over-kind to the point that people have taken advantage of them. I was guilty of that myself in my early years, but the last 3-5 years (since my spiritual awakening kicked in and I learnt lots (and now coach, teach and share) about life) have been much better in terms of boundaries.
However, boundaries doesn't mean we have to be mean or rude to people. You can hold the strongest boundary politely as well.
Here's How I Classify Friendship
Friendship is if I come over to your house unannounced and you welcome me in. Vice versa.
Not if you reply with something to the effect of “You’re here unannounced it’s so weird. I can see you in the window and it’s so creepy.” (Yes... I've actually had that happen. I didn't know whether to be embarrassed, hurt or tickled humorously, as it was a childhood friend and we've had many bands and life experiences together.)
That’s pretty much you saying we’re strangers. And… that’s ok. Let’s just not call it friendship then. That, for example, would be us maintaining good boundaries. If we're friends, it's great. If we're not friends, it's also great. Life is amazing. At least though, we both know where we stand. Clarity is priceless.
Friends are welcome to come in and live with me. Anytime. I might not be free to entertain you all day (or at all... depending on where I'm at in life), but the door will be open. Of course, try not to be a nuisance. My friends are all adults and I expect you to behave as such. That said, there is a difference between being an adult, and being pretentious. When I say "adult", I mean you're a human being who knows how to take care of or handle yourself, not that you're pretentious or standing on ceremony around me.
There's a fine balance and line there. Be yourself, yes, but respecting how things already run in my house. Like, don't come take your socks off and leave them on my work desk. (A past employer of mine did that but let's skip that right now 😂)
For some of you, it might feel like, "Hey this people-walking-in-whenever-they-like-thing is going beyond friendship and into love," but... that's the only way I've ever known how to do it. Also... eventually all things merge into love. That's the master emotion on Planet Earth.
What To Aim For In Friendships
Aim to be real, authentic and loving in life if you can. If you hate someone, or don't want to be around someone, just tell them. Let's not pretend to be friends then.
Also, if you ARE friends, feel free to state your boundaries, but if a boundary wasn't made clear previously before, the LEAST you can do, is to treat that person with love.
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Hey there, Zephyr here. I hope you enjoyed reading the post.
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